Sometimes we make mistakes and sometimes we make terrible, horrible, and unforgiving mistakes. And whoever said that we don’t know what we have until it is gone is damn crazy right. I am believed to be a strong person and I try to believe it but when it comes to my family, I am on my knees. As a mother, I couldn’t forgive myself for leaving my baby at such a tender age when she needs me the most and as a responsible wife I am to support my hubs when he needs help.
My heart broke into million pieces to leave them and I could hardly see anything. I didn’t care about no one and I couldn’t stop my tears for hours. No appetite, no sleep, there was no charm in doing anything and I felt like I was lost in the big jungle. First day was worst, my baby cried so much the moment we started to Skype. I can’t imagine how much questions we have put in to our little daughter’s head.
My hubs and I concluded that it is some kind of karmic effect that we are all suffering from this separation. I cried when my hubs said “I don’t know how long we are going to live and we are living separately already.” I just hope this will end soon and see better days soon.
(saying goodbye is the most painful moment I have ever experienced in my life: My little darling during our days together in Bangkok)