Zamin with her New Hat.

Zamin with her new hat. She doesn't like the hat but she gets easily distracted when she see things like camera. Ha-ha

Project Crochet

Zamin with her Nanny Maya 

Since the winter is on its way to Bhutan, I have started thinking about warm hats, socks and neck warmers. I am always surprised at how much it cost at markets to buy the same thing which we can actually make it at home and make it far better. The first project was my little darling girl’s hat with cute ear flap but unfortunately I have chosen the wrong yarn and she hates it. The picture says it all. She doesn’t like the sight of it. So, I will choose a softer yarn next time and have it made for her. It has a mix design of single crochet and double crochet. Ana Lungten was at my place when I started it and she thought single crochet would take time. So, I started with single crochet and finished it with double. The hat in the picture looks bit twisted because Zamin wouldn’t allow us to put it on her. We didn’t have time to adjust the hat when I took this picture. I finished another ear flapped hat for Sonam Tashi’s Grandmom and she absolutely loved the design and the softness of the yarn. I didn’t take picture of the hat since I handed it over to her the moment I finished it. I am planning on making the same coloured hat for the family once I get time to get to town and bring the bestest yarn. Wait till I post it here. 

Appreciation

Being Buddhist helps me a lot in keeping alive my relationship with people, especially with my husband, Sonam Tashi. I know we expect a lot from our better halves on what-not-things and we easily get hurt if it isn’t the way we want. Speaking from women’s point of view (I think I better understand my own gender better), we expect our man to be our hero. We expect Him to help us in kitchen, cook during Losar (“losar is the new year celebration in Bhutan), and take care of kids while we have girl’s night out. We expect our man to totally spoil us if not anything. On the other hand, men (not all men are same though) expect his better half to cook, do the laundry and look beautiful (well, that’s what I think, at least). However, looking carefully, that is where all the problems start because it is not happening as we thought or the way wanted. And there is where the differences starts and we don’t want to understand what he/she thinks or wants because “I” am always right.

To look at it differently, we don’t appreciate how much he/she is doing for us apart from worrying about all other little things. Though I don’t speak out much, my husband is one person who deserves appreciation for the entire thing he does. He is cute in his own little handsome way. There are times when we have our bad days but that doesn’t mean I don’t respect him for the person he is. He is and will be my best friend.

Being happy does not mean you have to have and own everything. Though Sonam earns a lot (in Bhutanese context), there are times when we hardly go out for dinner or movie or pamper ourselves with unwanted cloths and stuffs. And we laugh at our poorness. But that does not limit my dear husband to make huge donations and that is where all our income goes. Sometimes, our source of income is booked in advance as to which loop-hole it has to be take care of.

He is a kind of man I have always wanted to spend my entire life with. Giving away in cash and kinds is his hobby (well, that’s what I think). His wardrobe is almost empty because of his kindness and because we couldn’t afford to go for shopping. But that does not mean we haven’t been paying taxes, rents and our relatives the pocket money. It simply means we are happy the way we are.

Something that I learnt about Baby

Most people scoff at me when I say you shouldn’t feed your baby with those and that type of food. Many Bhutanese don’t care about what their babies eat. Well, I can understand the mothers at village, they either have don’t have time to look for what is healthy for their baby or to cook it separately and most of them, they think it is ok to give whatever the adult eats.

Back in olden days, in Bhutan, baby is fed with butter on the day he/she is born, bathed three times a day and fed with whatever is edible. The motherless babies are fed with dairy product.

I don’t think it is necessary to be conventional in bringing up your own baby. Hence, taking advantage of my education and of being literate, I first do little research on what are the good things that are healthy and best for my baby. The first thing first, I bathed my baby only after a week from the day she is born and only once a day. I used to bathe her every two-three days and I would wait at least a week for her next bathe when she is sick or the worst, suffering from cold. That being said, I used to massage her everyday with Olive oil (with mustard oil while she has cold) and change her every day. The reason I use Olive oil is because it is thick and creamy, ideal to be used as massage oil. Of course it has its own benefits. That kept her clean and healthy.

While she is down with cold, I used to dip a clove of garlic in the mustard oil and massage her with it. Gently tapping, raindrop massage, on her cheeks which makes way for the mucus. I used to firmly massage her chest, feet and palm with warm mustard oil which super relaxes her. When I once suggested to this to my husband’s uncle (since he has baby little older than mine), he scolded me saying “Roktey ana ani nan bu aiee lay…” and sadly his son has watery eyes.

The second thing, which most Bhutanese dread, is the thought of using the disposable diapers. They think if they use it, it will bent the baby’s leg which I think is absolutely non-sense. I used it while she was five days young and she still has straight leg. (:D). But I have stopped using the disposable because it takes 500 years to decompose. It makes me feel very guilty when I use it sometimes.

I breastfed her exclusively for six months, which most working Bhutanese mothers doesn’t do. Thankfully, I have a boss who has a baby and she completely understands me.

The next big thing after six months is what to feed to the baby. The people in developed countries serve baby cereal. Poorly, we don’t get baby cereal in our country and most mothers land up serving their baby with “Yoechum”, the local rice which has more starch than the normal rice that are easily available in market. The local rice gives constipation to the adults, so think about baby’s condition. The common ingredients to the baby’s food are butter and salt (people say it to make it tastier).  Think about the size of the baby’s kidney. Think about all the process it has to undergo to remove the salt from their tiny body. My baby’s food contain only cereal, vegetable or fruits and still she eats deliciously because she don’t know the taste of salt and butter.

My baby has a sore throat and a rough cough these days. My colleagues suggest that I should feed her honey. Most Bhutanese don’t understand the potential fatal disease that can be caused due to honey. Botulism is rare but very life threatening illness.

Well, how we bring up our baby is our own style but I think it is necessary to know what we think healthy could prove to be danger to the baby.

Trust

Trusting the other person is one of the last things in your list while making a relationship, any kind. And it takes one small mistake to drain it down and you know it takes life time to forgive that person and yourself for making the mistake by trusting that person. Trust is one big important thing in marriages without which it is never going to work. I wonder at the couples who tells small and silly lie to their better half. I don’t know why it makes them think it is better than telling the truth. For instance, telling her/him that you are with someone else, when in actual you are with some other people. I wonder.

Source:bostonbiker.org

I have a very close friend, whose marriage failed after 15 years. They have two kids, grownup. And it is a very difficult decision to make when you have kids at vulnerable age, and difficult when you have spent half the life thinking that he would be there for you and your kids. I had no word for her to console when she called me and cried silently. Partly she blamed herself for the trust she placed in him while in his case he was busy making a fool of the person who loved and trusted him. And the worst part was he blamed her for his own mistake which she thought was very unforgiving.

She talks about it and she say people think she is still not over it. But I think not getting over it and not forgetting it two different things. Not getting over it is not accepting the things that are happening. She has accepted the fact and slapped on his face by coming out more stronger. She has moved on and moved on good with full support from her kids and parents. And I, for one, thought she made a best decision by moving on without him. It was not that I would not have liked the idea of having them not separated but when the person whom you trusted cheated you half of your time with him and you hear it from “word of mouth”, where is the question of trust and integrity?

Women are not frail. The fact that she cries does not mean she is weak. She can be as strong or stronger than any man can imagine. 

My darling little girl

My daring little baby girl is just over 9 months now. As she is growing up, I feel that she is moving away from me and soon she will have a life of her own which she will decide on how to live herself. The day she came to my arms for the very first time, I can never have that feeling again. And she will never be that small and little again. But as she is growing, she has a knack of making me smile with my heart content that she is a girl who made me a mom and makes me feel lucky in every sense. No one change that fact, the day she was in my tummy, I was her momsie dear. I still remember the dark damp jet black hair and rosy cheeks, the shrill cry of not knowing how to suckle the breast milk. Oh. It makes me feel so relieved that I have her as my baby girl.

She has started crawling and standing up (with a support) altogether. Her front cutting teeth has cut through with a week of fever and continues diarrhea. We Bhutanese believe that with every milestone of a child’s growth, baby falls sick which I believe is true because my little one has gone through the same stages.

She has also started blabbering gibberish things which we don’t understand but make her say it again and again. She shrieks “otha” and so many others if she is excited or wants to go out. She directs her gaze to TV and Wall clock when we ask her where it is. She looks so adorable with her curly hair and fair skin that I want to hold her so tight in my arms. I am glad I am a mother and a mother of a baby girl who is so cute and adorable.

This is picture which I took when she was little more than 9 month at our home. She looks so adorable in her white top. Her curly hair matches her complexion. She is holding my 19^th century Nokia phone, which she likes to put it in her mouth quite frequently. She was not well that day with fever and diarrhea and we were about to leave to Pediatrician. My sister Choki wanted to see her picture so much that I took this for her.