Lost

2009

I grew up with this hope and dreams that I will take care of my dad, I will give him what he deserved, and I will take him to pilgrimages. So, I did my best to be at the place where I can fulfill all those dreams of mine. I have been his best daughter, I studied well, and I did everything to make worth of what my dad put on to bring me up. He brought me well, gave me the best attires; best education, best meals and of all he gave me his best. He did his part well and I am sure many of my friends have been envious of his love towards me. But no one’s life can be so perfect. Because this world is a Samsara, my dad and I couldn’t escape the fact that we are also one of the beings, happy at one time and the other time there was no trace of happiness being ever walked on our lives? We had our own share of happiness and sorrows. I know there is no use thinking of what could have been done or about the things which was never meant to happen. But what is there to life when your only purpose and reason is no longer in existence? When the only flame of hope of your life has been put off? It is the same every day, everywhere. There is no charm of doing anything. I have forgotten the excitement of spending my weekends. I don’t remember the last time I smelled the freshness of flowers in spring, or playing with puppies, or going for a shopping spree. All I can remember is my work. This is kind of becoming addicted but I don’t mind because I think I am happy this way. It is like I don’t want anything beautiful to happen in my life that I don’t have my dad near me to share it. I know the old cliché that there are people who suffer more than me, who have lost more than me. The show of life will have to move on. But reality hurts badly.

It is not like I am crazy and I want to take away my own life. It is just that I have forgotten to count my blessings. It is just that I was used to living in light. Suddenly the light went off and here I stand in dark trying to adapt my eyes.  I wonder how long will be the dark adaptation.