3rd October, 2011

I decided to work at home from today. Not that I wanted to take rest but because it was uncomfortable going to work in kira. With my belly so big, I had to arrange my kira time and again and it left red marks at the end of the day. So, as my boss agreed, I stayed at home and tried to work. As I sat down with my laptop before me, my baby kicked so hard that I let out a shrill cry with pain. And I am lost in the world when the baby will be around. I am excited to think that she/he will be home in few weeks. I am scared too but sheer joy over comes those fears. I am thinking, who would she/he look like? How would she behave when she is big enough to know us, parents? Sometimes I am scared if we will be able to give her the best parenting ever because with me going away for studies in US and my husband’s timely travel to his sites? But for now, I just console myself that things will be better one way or other. But again I don’t know.

Last time I made a visit to Kinley Pem’s place. I saw her mom bath her baby and how much elder people are there for her to give advice. I looked so small in the place that I felt like my eyes are all welled up. I felt so poor that I missed my parents so much. But I am happy that kinley has all of what I am missing. Her mom gave me a couple of advices on how to take care of baby’s neck while giving bath and the small things which mattered so largely to bring up a baby. I went home sad at my heart and yet excited about the baby. I was sure then that no other person, who is not a mother, would perfectly understand what I went through.

I cried that night thinking of the people I have lost in my life and that fact that my husband was upset and that gave me all the more reason to cry. He didn’t talk to me and I felt so lonely that I wished if my sister and her sons were here.