Thursday, May 17, 2012

Forgotten but reminded….always

For a moment I let go off all my emotions and stare at the photo frame beside my bed. But all my emotions rush back to me as I see my mother's gaze directed to me. I pick up the frame and held it close to my heart and as if she could hear it, the words spilled from my lips: "I miss you."
I put back the picture and lean back listening to the voices of the kids. A birthday party is going on upstairs. Perhaps the kids are trying to tune themselves with the rhythm of the music they blasted.
My little sister has gone too; to help the host is what she said to me while leaving. She brought the birthday boy a beautiful gift and a card. I almost cried seeing her innocence. Though she is grown up, she is still a kid to me. I wonder if she ever wonders why her birthday is never being celebrated.
I find myself so lost into the thought, but as I look back I found myself always mourning instead of celebrating on her birthday. It's like I am used to doing that. I would ignore her day instead find myself praying so very deeply. It is like I have forgotten to thank god for every bit of happiness he has showered on me, it is like I have forgotten to live my life. Or may be I am so engrossed in the world that is so different from the world I am actually living.
But now I am tired, and exhausted. Tired of running away from myself and exhausted because it never seems to cease. I want to live my life again. I want to celebrate my sister's birthday and thank god for blessing us with her birth. I want to thank mom for giving us her. I want to forget that it is on her birthday we lost our mom.
The though brought a smile on my lips and my eyes welled up. Only this time the tears are not because I am sad but I have a sister.

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